~Looking back, I'm not sure the last entry was explained enough.
~Not sure how to rephrase it so that it works better. Sex and the abstaining thereof is a big deal to me. Beyond being a biological imparitive and something that sounds really fun, it's been beaten into my poor little brain since I was very small that sex outside marriage is a Very Bad Thing that leads to Diseases and Babies. (It should be noted that keeping sex within the bounds of marriage does not lessen the chances of Babies.)
~And looking at the people around me...I don't know. I see a lot of successful relationships where one or more spouses were sexualy active (in a sexy way!) before marriage...and they seem fine. My boy-creature...well, I guess I don't really want to air out any of his business.
~But there are other people who tell me they wish they'd waited. There are lots of successful relationships where one or more parties were virgins at onset.
~Seeing various people go through boy- or girlfriends like soda on a hot day has gotten me pretty disgusted with dating in general, and sex in spesific. Why do you want to have so much sex that you could drive a train through your crotch? (Thanks, Freud.)
~I suspect part of the reason I don't see the apeal is that I've never had any.
~It's also...a lot of time, I feel like I don't have anything good left to offer to anyone. I'm emotionally and mentally tattered. I'm not a physically perfect person. I feel like damaged merchandise. I feel like I only have one good selling point--brand new vagina! Never before used by penis!
~I'm smiling, though I don't feel like emoting.
~Aren't birthdays funny? It's the one day of the year that I feel people are required to make a fuss of you--why? Because you survived? Yay? Who cares?
~I guess everyone wants to be special.
~Mine's coming up in about a month. Month + 5 days. I want to make a big deal of it...but it's TUESDAY after Mother's Day. That weekend, I'll probally be visiting the old homestead. Then there's 3 days until the weekend even starts. Celebrating on a Tuesday? Meh!
~And...there's no one here. Ryan's in Maryland, and there's really no way he'd be able to be here, especially with the next week being the family vacation. Scrub's in Japan...Daniel's pretty anti-social. I don't ever really see Joe and Sarah. Will and Karl are here...plus people from work.
~All in all, I guess it's just adjusting my veiw of my friends to a new set. I hate that. Especially since the new set and old set aren't that compatable. I can't really see Daniel getting along with any of them. Joe and Sarah? Probally not.
~I do have a lot of friends. There are just a lot who are not here.
~Ryan and I not being together on my birthday makes me sad.
~Part of me wants to make a big deal...part of me doesn't just to see what happens. I'm feeling pretty anti-social...sooo...the only warning people may get is the birthday tiara.
~Birthdays. Celebrating not dying. Whoopdee.
~I hope I'm just bitter for the moment and that it will pass. I like birthdays.~