~Hey intarwebs. Guess what?
~My boss values my opinion. In a serious way. A friend of mine is interviewing for a position at Red Hat in my department, and Christian is basically bending over backwards for him becuase of my reccommendation.
~According to a coworker (who did part of the interveiw) my reccommendation for Will is 'enough for [Christian].' Because I've aparently 'come so far in so short a time'.
~That, uh, that's fucking with my head. I'm afraid of what's going to happen when I finish college. The plan is to go up where Smithra is...but what am I going to get there? Is he going to marry me? Are we going to have some kind of life together? Will I get a job? Or...is it going to be like now, suspended in the boyfriend/girlfriend phase forever?
~He's said he doesn't want to get married just to be able to live with someone...and I really am not sure I can live with him without being married.
~We talked about the fmaily thing. He said he wished I'd brought it up six months ago or whenever. The conversation went like this:
Me: I have one of those willy questions.
Him: Ok.
Him: Do you just have it or are you going to ask it?
Me: Remember about the beach trip? When you said that we were not all fmaily?
Him: Oh, I meant that in the legal sense. *etc* I wish you'd brought this up six months ago.
Me: It's not like I feel any better now.
~Then we talked about how he enver actually said "you are family"...and I cried, though, I don't think he knew it.
~I'm frightened sometimes that we are going to reach a dead end and not be able to progress any farther and that it would be bad if that happens. Doesn't there have to come a point where we have grown into each other and become intwined and that we don't need to progress anymore?
~This place is a little like a confessional. Forgive me Father, for I have....eh, I forget the rest and I'm not really Catholic anyways.
~My confession tonight is that I am frightened of losing him through my own insecurities and doubts.~